Most Hilarious Tinder stories ever
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Bet she needed some real therapy after that date.
We talk and eat and he tells me he was a psychology minor — cool story, bro — until he starts grilling me about my experiences and legit psychoanalyzing me. He whips out a notebook, too. He ascertains my personality type and determines I'm OCD and hyper-sensitive. Nice. As we're about to leave, I try to order an Uber. He takes my phone. I finally wrestle it from him, pretend to slap him on the arm and take my Uber. He then stares at me, stares at the driver, then audibly says he doesn't trust the driver and to be careful. Never talked to him again after that.
Always charge your phone — or else.
When we met up, he was definitely drunk and had absolutely no interest in talking to me. As we walked to what I assumed was a bar, he walked in front of me (I took a pic). This whole time, my phone was dying and I had zero knowledge of this particular area of New York. All of a sudden, he said, “This is my apartment, we can go upstairs.” I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him and he asked if I was a virgin. I said no, but he could have an STD. He said he was clean and I was “probably clean, too,” so it “shouldn’t matter.”
Again, I said I just wasn’t going to, but I did need to charge my phone. We went up to his apartment (after I texted my roommate his exact address), and promptly plugged in my phone. He started to kiss me and then just took a big chomp on my neck.Not a hickey. A bite. I kept going back to my phone to see if it was charged enough, and at one point, I went back and he was on his sofa and had straight up whipped out his penis.
I immediately got my phone and he went to the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, I ran out without saying a word. He didn’t text me or ask where I went.
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