Tuesday, June 28th, 2016

What are the benefits of being an introvert?

Narada Desk | June 28, 2016 6:49 pm Print
Introverts are master rapport builders in all kinds of relationships. It is an unfortunately common misperception that introverts don’t like being around people. This is simply not true.

Absolutely there are. Especially in intimate/social relationships…

Rapport Building

Introverts are master rapport builders in all kinds of relationships.  It is an unfortunately common misperception that introverts don’t like being around people.  This is simply not true.

Introverts actually have a greater need for intimacy and depth in their relationships than their extroverted counterparts.  They would much rather have a smaller social circle with greater understanding and connection with each person, than having a large group of acquaintances that they have less emotional intimacy with.  Surface level communication frustrates introverts and gives them a feeling of ‘What’s the point of just chatting? We aren’t having a real conversation”.

This propensity towards deep rapport building helps introverts massively in the dating scene.  Women need trust and comfort to build an emotional connection with the person that they’re interested in… and introverts deliver this in spades.

Studies have shown that introverts outperform extroverts in high-ticket sales positions because they are wired to be able to nurture longer lasting relationships with more depth and patience.  It is this exact trait that allows introverts to gain quick and thorough connection with people that they have just met.  Introverts are also more prone to talking about certain ‘heavier’ topics such as sexuality, values, morals, and religion that many extroverts don’t get the chance to discuss because they are too often stuck in their surface-level world of small talk.  The fact that introverts aren’t afraid to discuss such topics makes relationships with card-carrying introverts a true gift.

Ability To Listen

Few things turn women off more than going on a date with a guy that can only talk about themselves.  Introverts are world-class listeners.  They communicate with their conversational partners like laser beams – seeing into the soul of the speaker with intuition and clarity.

Extroverted conversations have the partners stepping on each other’s toes with their words… rapid fire question and response, rambling stories, and quickly changed conversational topics.  Watch a small group of introverts communicating with each other and every one is heard equally and people are very rarely interrupted in the slightest.

Thoughtfulness And Caring

Introverts are more introspective and self-aware than most extroverts.  It is often said that the world is made up of people who think, and people who do (introverts and extroverts respectively).  The world needs action takers and people who are more thoughtful… it keeps the world in balance.  To draw an analogy, think of how one shoots an arrow from a bow.  If the world were only made up of introverts, the arrow would be cocked and ready to be fired, but the shooter would always be recalibrating and aiming the arrow before it ever took flight.  If the world were only extroverts, the arrows would be flying every which way but never hit any targets.  It would be absolute chaos.  Thus, the world needs those who can aim, and those who can let go.

You’ve likely heard the phrase “it’s the thought that counts”.  Introverts are keenly self-aware and, due to their sensitivity to their environments, are more likely to store information about their significant other (whether on a first date or fiftieth), and therefore make their partner feel more cared for.

Self-Reflectiveness And Error-Correction

Another common strength among introverts is the fact that they are self-reflective and are magnificent at error correcting.  From all of the time introverts spend doing their internal homework, they are brilliantly adept at continually making sure that they are in integrity with themselves and living from a congruent place.  This also generally results in lower incidences of egomania because introverts are much less interested in keeping up with the jones’s and chasing external status symbols.  They value things like thoughtfulness, moral integrity, and empathy over extroverted traits like charisma, or being seen as fascinating, or socially dominant.

So how does error-correction help you in your relationship management?

You’re bound to mess up something in your dating life.  Introverts have a much easier time self-reflecting, realizing what they did wrong, and admitting to it openly.  Show me a boyfriend that can admit when he was wrong, and I’ll show you his happy girlfriend.

Depth vs. Breadth

This is one of the biggest points in this list (and could just as easily be the #1 point).  Introverts prefer depth of connection in their social and intimate lives, where extroverts are more drawn towards breadth of connections.  I personally know many introverts who are passionately loyal friends to about three to five people in their lives.  And to them, that’s more than enough.  In fact, they set clear boundaries around their social lives and when people try to start relationships with them they are very clear that their social lives are already “full” and that, although they appreciate the offer, they don’t have any more time for new friends.  This is an element of introversion taken to a bit of an extreme case but it’s admirable nonetheless.


1. An introverted person can function better when working alone,  than when working in a team. It’s not about being a “team player”, it’s  about what can help them produce the best possible result. And working  in a team, well…it’s is distracting.
2. Being quiet does not mean “having nothing to say”.  It means that one simply enjoys being quiet. As an introvert, I find  some of my most satisfying moments when I am in a gathering and observe  people talk, without saying something myself. Why don’t you speak?  Because I am perfectly content absorbing the stimuli of my surroundings  without producing any of my own.
3. Going out in a coffee shop with your book, work, or music, and enjoying that perfect little state between sociability, but without interaction, is very, very satisfying.
4. Introverts choose who they connect with very carefully.  And when that connection has been made, it runs deep. Some people can  be all depth, instead of breadth. And that is perfectly okay.
5. Rainy days at home are blessings. Period.
6. A trip alone to a foreign country or another city is not scary. It’s an adventure, and not having anyone meddling with your planning is  pretty liberating. The lone wolf does survive (if you got my reference,  you are awesome).
7. You can never comprehend how some people can spend the entirety of  their day together, even fresh lovers in their honeymoon phase. Space  is healthy. Silence is necessary.
8. Time alone means time for introspection. While  many people avoid looking at their problems, letting them fester and  become toxic for them, an introvert can take the time to listen to  themselves and perhaps find solutions.
9. Being the observer in a group can actually be very beneficial. It gives one more chances of operating in a behind-the-scenes way.
10. Similarly, the observation of people can lead to better understanding them, which can make an introvert a very likeable person. Everyone wants an understanding confident who lets them speak out for a  change, in a world where everyone has an opinion that can,  unfortunately, be pushed on to you.
11. Spending less time socializing means coming up with so many more things to occupy your time! There is always a book to read, or a movie to watch, or a language to  learn, or some volunteer work you can do, and so on. An introvert can  see adventure in the most ordinary settings.
12. That moment when you finally come home after a large party is  like the first breath of air in a long time, and a great relief.
13. It can be funny, interesting, and a little bit sad when people get surprised that you have so many interests and hobbies. “Oh my god, I had no idea you did so much!” I mean, it’s not like I sit and stare at my ceiling when I am not with people. But your surprise entertains me.
14. Socializing can be draining, but an introvert can love spending time with an extrovert. Opposites do attract, and one fulfills the other. There are things an introvert cannot do without an extrovert, and vice versa.
To sum up, being an introvert is a great thing.  Being an extrovert is also a great thing. The greatness lies within the  fact that we hopefully live in a world where people can just be  themselves. Being clever and successful is not about learning to  separate the more capable (read: sociable) ones from the less capable  ones. It’s about fully utilizing every resource, and more often than  not, an introvert might just be the ace up society’s sleeve.
Embrace introverts, whether it is the one hiding inside you or someone in your social circle. You won’t miss out.