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Dear Mr Ambani, we know you don’t have to stand in a queue

Reliance Jio has grown faster than Facebook, WhatsApp and Skype but what about Weibo and the Chinese apps?

ambani

Dear Mr Ambani, congratulations on the stupendous achievements that Jio has witnessed. As we all know, you don’t have to stand in a queue. Imagine what would have happened if you did, the world would have turned upside down. Some parties would have switched sides and brought down governments in almost all the states where Jio is growing significantly (28 you said at the press conference). The Centre will hold now that you have also lent your formidable goodwill and support to demonetisation. PayTM had merely used Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s photo for their ad, you’ve roped in the entire demonetisation exercise in your Join the Jio Movement call.

It was gladdening to hear that your company has, two days after the announcement of demonetisation on November 8, inked a significant deal with SBI for creating a digital payment system to assist the many who are feeling the pain of standing in queues, etc. Would like to ask if the discussions for this tie-up were already on before demonetisation?

Am asking only because if such talks were held before November 8, Prime Minister Modi’s claim of total pin-drop secrecy around the demonetisation announcement stands null and void. Something which the opposition has been claiming and something the ruling party has been shooting down.

In the self-inflicted audit of BJP MPs’ and MLAs’ accounts, the audit period has also been kept post-November 8 and not before, though the economy was super cash-rich then, according to the Urjit Patel-run, present-day RBI. All the big notes had been changed or deposited, according to many conspiracy theorists.

We are very proud to know that Jio has netted 50 million users since launch and has grown faster than Facebook, WhatsApp and Skype. But, sir, how does Jio compare with Weibo or other Chinese sites that are substitutes for Google and Facebook? Indians are very patriotic people sir, just like you, they rush in to buy Indian goods, just like the Chinese buy theirs. Am sure the Jio growth may pale in comparison to what the Chinese get up to… just saying.

I am pleased that you chose to hail demonetisation as a decision to push growth of a digitally-enabled, optimal-cash economy in India. Yes, I held my breath waiting for a paean to the fight against black money, as other industrialists might have delivered, but you, sir, dealt only with what was necessary. As has been said several hundred times about you, you cherish dal-chawal more than all the fine dining available at Antilia; your hard-won focus is extraordinary.

If allowed, may I say that I am feeling sorry for PayTM (which has Chinese Alibaba stake) and others of its ilk, sir, now that the Jio Godzilla is here?

Maybe I should get a Jio connection and watch high-fidelity, mindless video while in a queue in the sun as the poor and hungry beg around me?

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